The guy whom I'm madly falling for just told me he wishes he was dead every time he wakes up and that he feels like his life is a complete waste. It literally breaks my heart to hear those words. His gf for 4years doesn't want to be with him and his best friend betrayed him, I can't imagine the pain he's feeling. I wish I could physically be there to tell him that life moves on even when you don't. So why should you curl up in a ball and sulk while they're out having the time of their lives? It's a "Fuck it, I don't give a shit. I'm moving on to bigger &better things" situation.
I think we're embedded with the stigma that in order to live a happy life, you need an ample amount of friends. But really, you look at all these college kids with their big group of buddies, going out popping pills, railing some lines, &getting messed up every weekend; what happens when those days disappear? When those people decide to show their true colors? People always laugh at me and tell me I'm talking like a loner when I say, "It's better to be alone then with the wrong people." It's true. I see so many, adults and kids alike, go through the agonizing pain of being betrayed and in the end, I truly don't see how those 'good times' are worth it. My mother, she was one of those good timers. I feel like I'm the result of what happens when you don't think and just act. Now, she has two sons, a perverted husband, and the nerve to message me over Myspace after 15 years saying 'hi jackie, i miss you.' Sometimes at night, I wish that I'll someday run into her and get to tell her how much of a worthless piece of shit she really is. Not for leaving me, but breaking my dad's heart. But then again, does it make an impact? Do people like that have feelings? Or even care to have feelings? It's like telling a complete stranger, "I hate you." A bit pointless, I guess.
Fortunately, I'm able to say, I have a best friend. And you know what? I feel like the biggest person in the world because of it. I don't know a lot of people that are able to say that their best friend is someone they've known their whole life. I could care less if you are.
Since graduation, I feel like I've grown so much as a person. Although I didn't take advantage of my education like most High School students do, I like to think that I've made up for it in other ways. There's many times where I myself thought I had a shitty life and the most unfortunate things just had to happen to me but I think those moments where you think you've hit rock bottom and the experiences that make you cry every ounce of liquid out of your body, truly do make you stronger, wiser, and undefeatable. It makes me realize how happy I am to be where I am right now, at this exact moment in time.
To the big man up above, who ever you may be, keep the people I love dearest, safe. Please?
